Our Journey to Hawaii...
In August of 2009, one of my colleagues traveled to First Baptist Church of Wahiawa, Hawaii where he and his wife sang for the church's 75th anniversary. In the 80's, he had been stationed in Wahiawa, and was a member of FBC for 4 yrs. When he came back home, his face would light up as he talked about the people of Wahiawa, and how special his time was there. He said, "I would move back there in a heartbeat, if I could...It's a paradise." He described the cool trade winds, pure water, lush foliage, and tropical birds...I remember sharing this with Steve, and dreaming that I could experience this too...
During this same time, Steve was beginning to feel a restlessness that often comes before a season of change..As a young man he sensed that God had specifically called him into a life of service, and being a musician, he pursued this avenue of study. In the early 80's, when we met, we were both working on the same music degree, and our common interests & schedule threw us together where we began our journey. For 26 years we worked as a musical team, and in 2009, due to the demands of my grad studies, and teaching schedule, I had to let something go, so resigned as pianist at Immanuel Baptist Church.
You know, when you are doing what you've always done, it becomes "the norm", almost automatic..
without thought, or intentionality. And sometimes God prompts us to step outside our comfort zone, to move in different directions, to learn something new, or maybe to be taught a life lesson that cannot be learned in the normalcy. Ever heard that saying, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got."? Well, that's where I was in 2009, and that's where Steve was too. We had arrived at these places simultaneously, yet separately.
When you live, and work in the public eye, your lives are an open book. It's the risk you take...to be scrutinized, analyzed, and sometimes misunderstood. I can honestly say that Steve and I have been blessed beyond measure in every place we've worked. It's been good to share in ministry: joys are multiplied, and sorrows are divided. God has always been good to us. Life has not always been easy, and we've not always been faithful. We have struggled, and let each other down, and I'm sure we've disappointed many people! We've been through trying times of illness, sorrow, and deep loss, and through every challenge we're learning to lean into His strength a little more, and to trust His wisdom, and do you know what we've found? He's been faithful! He has never let us down. He's an abiding Presence...strengthening, guiding, healing, and touching our deepest needs. We know that His Word is true.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Ps 37:4 He has done this, and He continues to do this, and we're still amazed.
2010 was a difficult year for us. Walking through a series of heart-wrenching, painful experiences brought two different responses from Steve and I. We were both hurting, but responding differently to the same circumstances: I needed to withdraw, and he needed to re-channel. When you're seriously injured, or hurt, you may need a hospital...an ambulance ride...surgery...medication...physical therapy...to rest and to recover. The injured is often so seriously hurt, he/she isn't capable of making health care decisions, and the physician may step in with instructions.
This is where I was: hurt, and unable to function normally, so the Physician stepped in, performed multiple surgeries, applied the medication, and the healing process began. It has been painful, but needed, and while I've been healing, I have rediscovered the joy of worship, the treasure of His Word, the power of His Presence, and the privilege of leading.
Steve, on the other hand was hurting too, feeling a weight of responsibility, and journey to forgiveness, listening, praying, encouraging, and loving people through their questions, and confusion. He spent more time in prayer, and in the Word...delving deeper into his study, and searching for wisdom. God was developing his pastor's heart...impressing upon him the importance of integrity, grace, peace, and patience...preparing him for something new. I admire his perseverance through adversity, love for people and servant's heart. (He's a keeper, and his father would be so proud!)
Through this past year we've been reminded that life is fragile, so handle it with prayer. When you're frustrated, and aren't sure what to do, drop to your knees beside the bed when you wake up, and pray "The Lord's Prayer" (Matthew 6:9-13). You will be amazed at the difference in your day...As we've spent more time separately, we've learned to value our time together, and look forward to serving together in ministry again soon.
Through a series of events, over this past year, including many phone conversations, emails, and one midnight teleconference, FBC Wahiawa selected Steve as their candidate for pastor. They invited us to come in June, and Steve preached a very moving, and powerful sermon about, "The Lord's Prayer" on Father's Day. We were overwhelmed by the gracious hospitality of the people, and we were also struck by the huge needs. For those who may have trouble picturing Steve as a pastor...As someone who's known him for 31 yrs., I've seen this coming for quite awhile with a gradual shift in his focus from worship leader to spiritual leader. He's always had a passion for God, and people, and when he shares from the Word, the connection is very powerful. As a wife, it's thrilling to see him energized, and so happy in this role. The smile on his face when we were in Wahiawa reminded me of the smile he had when he saw our firstborn child...priceless.
We had misgivings, and doubts about moving so far away from family, friends, and familiarity. We were worrying about our daughter's school, and ability to make the cultural change because Wahiawa is very different. It's not like any place we've ever been, and in many ways it feels like a foreign country. It is a tropical climate, many buildings are not air-conditioned, the pace is slower, technology is not a priority, and the food is unusual. When you hear "Hawaii", you think "resort", but Wahiawa is not a resort community. It is native Hawaiian with a strong military presence. Emily will be a minority at her school, and there are significant racial tensions she will face, due to the ever-changing military population. We've struggled in deciding whether to put her in this situation or not.
We did feel a very strong connection with the people, and could picture ourselves living, and working there because their needs, and our strengths seemed to parallel each other....But, again, we mulled this over, and over, prayed, and sought God's direction, and we struggled, really struggled to make a decision. We waited several weeks, and in the meantime the church voted to officially extend a call for him to come as pastor. Steve literally waited until the final hour to call them, and neither one of us had a peace about saying yes, or no. We thought since we were confused that we should not go...that it must not be the right move for us,
We both cried after he told them because they were so excited, and filled with hope for the future...They are a hurting church with many issues that need to be healed...How ironic is that?? We are both coming from places of deep hurt, and healing...Steve had every intention of returning to Immanuel, and serving with integrity. He says when you aren't sure what to do, you go back to the last time God spoke clearly, and remain there until you hear from Him again. I agree, but when we returned, we continued to talk about the people of FBC, and Hawaii, and one day Emily said, "OK you guys, why are you continuing to talk about Hawaii??? I thought you decided that we weren't going..." Now Emily is quite discerning, and intuitive...She doesn't mince words, and we had to have a family meeting.
The sermon that I heard that day was entitled, "The Calling", and the Bible study centered around Peter, and his willingness to put down his fishing nets in deeper water. The last verse of Luke 5:1-11 says that after Jesus called the fishermen to follow him, they "left everything, and followed Him". The pastor looked up, and I felt like he was looking right at me when he said, 'Do you trust God to take care of your family?"...
I had to admit that I wasn't trusting Him. I was trusting my logic, my evaluation of the situation, my opinion, and the opinions of my family. I wasn't walking by faith; I was walking by sight.
We had to talk openly and honestly about our feelings, and the stirrings of the Holy Spirit. It's pretty significant when your 16 yr. old shares that she doesn't "want" to leave, but may "know" that it's the right thing. It reminded me of Jesus' struggle in prayer before He went to the cross, "Not MY Will, but Thy Will be done..." That's what talking up your cross daily is all about...and that's where we need to be.
So, we prayed together, cried together, and decided to do not the easiest thing, but what we all knew was the right thing...It's a risk. A risk that we will be misunderstood, that we will hurt people, that we will be homesick, and have to stretch, and grow in many ways, but it's a risk we are willing to take because we know that He is faithful...that He will provide for our needs, that He loves us, and that He loves the people of Immanuel, and the people of Wahiawa...that He loves our families, and that He will take care of us all. God is greater than this issue. "Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world."
Now we begin the process of cleaning out the home we've lived in for almost 14 years, getting ready for that garage sale, and selling our house! We will most likely leave that last week in August...still working on that one! Please keep us in your prayers, if we come to mind. We hold you close in ours...and please know that you're always welcome to visit us when you're in Hawaii!
"The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)
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